The Friend Test

A tool for when your inner critic takes the mic...

We all have that voice in our heads that is, quite frankly, a jerk. Sometimes it's just being a jerk. Other times, it may be pointing out something worth considering. That doesn't mean you have to accept the way it's talking to you. When you catch your inner critic being mean, try what I call "The Friend Test."

The Friend Test

1. Catch it.

   Notice when you're being harder on yourself than you would be with someone else.

   
   

2. Ask it.

   "Would I say this to a friend in the same situation?"

   
   

3. Shift it.

   If the answer is no, imagine your friend is sitting across from you. What would you say to her?

   
   

4. Say it.

   Write down your "friend" version and read it to yourself. Ready to take it one step further? Read it out loud. Going for gold? Say it to yourself in the mirror. Will it feel silly, awkward, embarrassing, or downright ridiculous? Probably. Do it anyway.

The more intentional the practice, the more powerful the impact.

It Takes Reps

And remember, just like going to the gym to build muscle, changing this inner critic takes reps. You're not going to completely change your inner dialogue in one afternoon. Sometimes you'll catch yourself. Sometimes you won't.

That's okay.

Every time you notice the old pattern and try something different, you're getting a rep.

The goal isn't to stop the thoughts. They're going to come. We can't control that. The goal is to get curious about them. Is this true? Would I say this to a friend?